There once was a man from Sydney
Who could put it in up to her Kidney
But a man from Quebec
Put it up to her neck
Now he had a big one, didn’t he!
Category: Original Content
A kinky young girl from Coleshill
A kinky young girl from Coleshill,
Tried a dynamite stick for a thrill,
They found her vagina,
in North Carolina,
and bits of her tits in Brazil.
There once was a hermit named Dave
There once was a hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave.
She was missing a tit.
She smelled like shit.
But think of the money he saved!
There once was a man from Australia
There once was a man from Australia
Who had extra-large genitalia
He said to his bride,
Don’t try to hide
‘Cause wherever you go I can nail ya’
New York Dork
There once was a man from New York
Who asked, “Hun, would you please suck my dork?”
“I don’t like the taste”
He cried, “What a waste!
My wife says it tastes just like pork”
There was a young man from Peru
There was a young man from Peru
Who fell asleep in his canoe
While dreaming of Venus
He whipped out his penis
And woke up with a handfull of goo!
Seattle Cattle
There was a young man from Seattle
Who had a fetish for cattle
When he mounted a steer
After drinking some beer
He said, “I can’t find her pussy at all”.
Hickory dickory dock
Hickory dickory dock
A girl was sucking my cock
The clock struck two
I shot my goo
And dumped her on the spot
There was a man from Havana
There was a man from Havana,
Who thought he could play the piana.
His fingers slipped,
his zipper unzipped.
And out came a hairy banana!
There once was a girl from New Haven
There once was a girl from New Haven
Whose pubic hair was not shaven.
But missing because
She slept without drawers
Within range of a nest building raven.
“It’s my code,” says a mailman named Drew
“It’s my code,” says a mailman named Drew,
“To unzip, then deliver a screw.
If virgins, when nervous,
Resist postal service,
I explain that the male must get through.”
There was a young woman named Jeannie
There was a young woman named Jeannie
Who sobbed to her date, “You’re a meanie!
You claim you’re a stud
But, oh, what a dud!
Your prick is a real teeny-weeny.”
Breathed a tender young man from Australia
Breathed a tender young man from Australia
My darling, please let me unveilia,
And then, of, my own,
If you’ll kindly lie prone,
I’ll endeavor, my sweet, to impalia.
His dick lay in peaceful quiescence
His dick lay in peaceful quiescence,
He longed though for youthful tumescence.
An electric connection,
Sparked a brilliant erection,
That shines with an awesome florescence!
There once was a gay opera singer
There once was a gay opera singer,
Whose dick was a wondrous humdinger.
When he’d sing a song,
His dong sang along,
And his balls would clang like a bell ringer.
With a blowtorch he set out to melt
With a blowtorch he set out to melt,
His loved one’s iron chastity belt.
What dampened his yearning,
Was pubic hair burning,
And he lost the desire he felt.
There was a young man of Australia
There was a young man of Australia
Who painted his ass like a dahlia.
The drawing was fine,
The color divine,
The scent ah, that was a failure.
There once was a man from Tahiti
There once was a man from Tahiti
Who went for a swim with his sweetie,
But as he pursued her
A big barracuda
Made off with his masculinity!
There once was a girl of Siam
There once was a girl of Siam
Who said to her lover, young Kiam,
“If you take me, of course,
You must do it by force
But, thank God, you’re stronger than I am.”
There was a young fellow named Goody
There was a young fellow named Goody.
Who claimed that he wouldn’t, but would he?
If he found himself nude,
With a gal in the mood,
The question’s not would he, but could he?
On the internet they found romance
On the internet they found romance,
That put both in a hot sexual trance,
But each had a gripe,
About having to type,
With their hand stuck down into their pants.
In convertibles she was quite brash
In convertibles she was quite brash,
When she put her feet up on the dash.
A trucker drove by,
Her bare crotch caught his eye,
And four people were injured in the crash.
There was a young man from the Clyde
There was a young man from the Clyde
Who fell down a sewer and died
Next day his brother,
Fell down another
And now they’re interred side by side.
There once was a man from Berlin
There once was a man from Berlin
Whose pecker hung down to his shin.
When a lady named Gert
Started lifting her skirt,
His prick rose with a thump to his chin.
The nipples of Sarah Strong
The nipples of Sarah Strong,
When excited, are twelve inches long.
This embarrassed her lover
Who was pained to discover
She expected no less of his dong.
There once was a girl from Decatur
There once was a girl from Decatur
Who got laid by a big alligator.
Now, nobody knew
The result of that screw,
Because after he laid her, he ate her.
There once was a girl from Mitchen
There once was a girl from Mitchen
Who was scratching her twat in the kitchen.
Her mother said, “Rose,
you’ve got crabs I suppose.”
She said, “Yes and those fuckers are ‘itchin!”
An exotic young lady named Suki
An exotic young lady named Suki,
Once danced in a troupe of kabuki,
When asked for a fuck,
She said, “Solly, no luck
See here: looky looky, no nuki “
A mortician who practiced in Fife
A mortician who practiced in Fife
Made love to the corpse of his wife.
“How could I know, Judge?
She was cold, dinna budge,
Just the same as she acted in life.”
I know a tall Sunday school teacher
I know a tall Sunday school teacher,
Who wanted to screw the short preacher.
She flashed him some thigh,
But her pussy seemed high,
So he stood on a chair just to reach her.
A strange young fellow from Leeds
A strange young fellow from Leeds
Rashly swallowed a package of seeds.
Great tufts of fine grass
Sprouted out of his ass
And his balls were covered with weeds.
There once was a man from Cheyenne
There once was a man from Cheyenne
Of women, he was a fan
But they thought “Damn he’s fat!”
“I’m not touching that!”
So he had to rely on his hand.
There was a young lady of Worcester
There was a young lady of Worcester
Who dreamt that a rooster seduced her.
She woke with a scream,
But ’twas only a dream
A lump in the mattress had goosed her.
There was a young fellow named Fritz
There was a young fellow named Fritz
Who planted an acre of tits.
They came up in the fall,
Pink nipples and all,
And he chewed them all up into bits.
She had sat in a pretty green patch
She had sat in a pretty green patch,
But now found herself having to scratch.
Poison ivy she’s got,
And she’s itching a lot,
Right down there and real close to her snatch.
I have a strange story to tell
I have a strange story to tell,
Of a woman who casts a mean spell.
Though men would undress her,
Not one could possess her,
And the last man to screw her’s not well.
There was an old count of Swoboda
There was an old count of Swoboda
Who would not pay a whore what he owed her.
So, with great savoir-faire,
She stood on a chair
And pissed in his whiskey-and-soda.
A foreman who’s known to be rude
A foreman who’s known to be rude,
Said something a worker thought lewd.
Though red in the face,
She’s got a court case,
So it’s his ass that’s going to be screwed.
I wonder what Christmas will be
I wonder what Christmas will be,
No merriment, good cheer or glee.
Now that Santa’s arrested,
Because someone protested,
That he laid some doll under their tree.
There once was an old man named Fletcher
There once was an old man named Fletcher,
Well known as a terrible lecher.
A kiss he would steal,
And he’d cop a good feel,
From a woman if he could just catch her.
Grandpa’s dick is undoubtedly fickle
Grandpa’s dick is undoubtedly fickle,
Like a typical shriveled old pickle,
For whenever he
Feels that urge to pee,
The most that comes out is a trickle.
There once was a young man named Jack
There once was a young man named Jack,
Who loved jumping into the sack.
For there was his wife,
The love of his life,
Aroused, with legs spread, on her back.
There once was a woman named Nancy
There once was a woman named Nancy,
Who waltzed with a man they called Clancey.
Soon after the dance,
He pulled down her silk pants,
Proceeding to tickle her fancy.
There once was a young masturbator,
There once was a young masturbator,
Who bought an electric vibrator.
She lost it inside,
But the reason she died,
Was its faulty speed regulator.
There once was a grown man named Roy
There once was a grown man named Roy,
Who as a young innocent boy,
Discovered his peter,
And thought it much neater,
Than books or a game or a toy.
An indiscrete deacon named Fred
An indiscrete deacon named Fred,
Coaxed the minister’s wife into bed.
She seductively posed,
With her blessings exposed,
Thank God for this heavenly spread.
A certain sweet girl from Key West
A certain sweet girl from Key West
Was uncommonly large in the chest.
Any man’s close attention
To her outside dimension
Brought his own measurement to its best.
The last time I dined with the King
The last time I dined with the King
He did quite a curious thing.
He sat on a stool
And took out his tool
And said, “If I play will you sing?”
There once was a man from Van Isle
There once was a man from Van Isle
Who said jogging just wasn’t his style.
“I’ll get my workouts,” he said,
“At home, in my bed,
‘Cause a Miss is as good as a mile!”
A woman he tried not to covet
A woman he tried not to covet,
Was horny and knew she would love it,
So taking a chance,
She wrote on her pants,
“Pull down here and you’ll see where to shove it!”