Category: Original Content

A woman he tried not to covet

A woman he tried not to covet,
Was horny and knew she would love it,
So taking a chance,
She wrote on her pants,
“Pull down here and you’ll see where to shove it!”

Old mother hubbard

Old mother hubbard
went to the cupboard
to get her poor dog a bone
but when she bent over
rover took over
and gave a bone of her own!

In the check out at the food store

In the check out at the food store
a nun was advising the poor:
“Hey you up in front!
That’s too many items you cunt!
And they won’t take food stamps for beer ya dumb whore.”

There was a young lady from Bath

There was a young lady from Bath
Who wasn’t very good at math
She had sex under a tree
later said “Woe is me”
1 plus 1 isn’t 2, it equals 3

Oh,the air did turn green

Oh,the air did turn green
When a fart came from the queen!
The court sat aghast
At the royal blast,
But stood and sang “God save the queen!”

There was a young lady from Exeter

There was a young lady from Exeter
So pretty the men strained their necks at her
But one was so brave
To pull out and wave
The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.

There was an old man from LaFarge

There was an old man from LaFarge
Whose balls grew exceedingly large
But his tee-tiny scrotum
Just couldn’t quite tote ’em
Now he sails them around on a barge.

There was a young man of the land

There was a young man of the land
Whose sex life had grown quite bland
He wanted a change
So the next time he came
He used his other hand.

There was a young man named McAmiter

There was a young man named McAmiter
Who had a tool of prodigious diameter.
What gave the girls surprise
Was not his size,
But his rhythm, iambic pentameter.

There was a young athlete named Grimmon

There was a young athlete named Grimmon
Who developed a new way of swimmin’.
By a marvelous trick
He would scull with his prick,
Which attracted loud cheers from the women.

There was a young lady of Wheeling

There was a young lady of Wheeling,
Who professed to a lack of sexual feeling.
But a cynic named Boris
Just touched her clitoris,
And she had to be scraped from the ceiling.

A virginal coed named Sherrie

A virginal coed named Sherrie,
Awoke in the morning quite merry.
After cocktails last night,
To her utter delight,
She gave up her status as “cherry.”

There was a young Scotchman named Jock

There was a young Scotchman named Jock
Who had a most horrible shock:
He once took a shit
In a leaf-covered pit,
And the crap sprung a trap on his cock.

Meat-rationing did not terrify Miss Davey,

Meat-rationing did not terrify Miss Davey,
She got married to a sailor in the Navy,
For she knew between his legs
He had ham and he had eggs,
A big weenie, and oodles of white gravy.

There was a young man from the Coast

There was a young man from the Coast
Who had an affair with a ghost.
At the height of orgasm
Said the pallid phantasm,
“I think I can feel it, almost!”

A remarkable race are the Persians

A remarkable race are the Persians;
They have such peculiar diversions.
They make love the whole day
In the usual way
And save up the nights for perversions.

The was a man named Sir Lancelot

The was a man named Sir Lancelot
Who went to parties and danced a lot
When making a pass
At a young pretty lass
The front of his pants would advance a lot!

Sweet Mary the Celibate

Sweet Mary wanted to stay celibate

for a man with wealth and intelligence

She ran from the alter

For balls like Gibraltar

On a dimwit hung like an elephant

A wanton young lady from Wimley

A wanton young lady from Wimley
Reproached for not acting quite primly
Said, “Heavens above!
I know sex isn’t love,
But it’s such an entrancing facsimile.”

The Man From Madras

There once was a man from Madras

with balls made of flint and brass

On his wife he was rocking

And his balls were knocking

and lightning shot out of his ass.

A mathematician named Hall

A mathematician named Hall
Has a hexahedronical ball,
And the cube of its weight
Times his pecker’s, plus eight
Is his phone number, give him a call..

Two men from Kuala Lampur

Two men from Kuala Lampur
Buggered and fucked the same whore
‘Till the partition it split
And the jism and shit
Rolled out in great mounds on the floor.

There was a young man from St. Paul’s

There was a young man from St. Paul’s
Who read Harper’s Bazaar and McCall’s
Till he grew such a passion
For feminine fashion
That he knitted a snood for his balls.

A pretty young maiden from France

A pretty young maiden from France
Decided she’d “just take a chance.”
She let herself go
For an hour or so
And now all her sisters are aunts.

I heard that she would never say no

I heard that she would never say no
Just 10 bucks for a blow.
But when down on her knees
I said, “Oh baby please
Move up, you’re too low, that’s my toe!”

There once was a man from Racine (#2)

There once was a man from Racine

Who invented a loving machine.

Both concave and convex,

It could serve either sex,

Entertaining itself in between!

(But oh what a bastard to clean!)

An uptight young lady named Breerley

An uptight young lady named Breerley
Who valued her morals too dearly
Had sex, so I hear,
Only once every year,
And she strained her vagina severely.

There once was a lady from Thrace,

There once was a lady from Thrace,
Who’s corset no longer would lace,
Her mother said “Nellie,
There’s more in your belly,
Than ever went in through your face.”

A calculating lady named Kay

A calculating chippie named Kay

Never got “in a family way.”

She’d give the men rum,

Then show them her bum,

And that’s where she’d have them play.

(What more do I need to say?)

There was a young man of Devises,

There was a young man of Devises,
Whose balls were of different sizes.
His tool when at ease,
Hung down to his knees,
Oh, what must it be when it rises!

A bold cowboy from Laredo

A bold cowboy from Laredo

Had a member shaped like a potato.

While some girls would faint,

Others thought it was quaint

To use a potato to mate…OH!!!

There once was a couple named Kelly

There once was a couple surnamed Kelly
Who had to walk belly to belly
Because in their haste
They used wallpaper paste
Instead of petroleum jelly.

A young man named O’Doul

A young man named Marty O’Doul

Found a red ring on his tool.

He went to the clinic,

Said the doctor, a cynic,

Wash it off, its only lipstick, you fool!

A bugger who buggered some sheep

A bugger who buggered some sheep
Tried to bugger a ewe in her sleep.
She awoke with a start
And she ripped a great fart.
Now he’s covered in shit three feet deep.

There was a man from Ka-bot

There was a man from Ka-bot
That lived on his boogers and snot
When he couldn’t have these
He lived on the cheese,
That grew on his grungy old cock!

Hickory Dickory Dock

Hickory Dickory Dock
The tongue ran up the cock.
The man did smile.
It had been quite a while.
And his cock was as hard as a rock!

Shirley Brown thought it a fable

Shirley Brown thought it a fable

That everyone must have a navel,

For she had a yard

Of unbilical cord

She kept hidden beneath the table.

Young lady from Nizes

There was a young lady from Nizes

Who had tits of two different sizes.

One was so small,

It was nothing at all,

But the other was quite large, and won prizes!

The Lass Named Katrina

Did you ever see the lass named Katrina?

She’s frightening, if you ever seen her

When she started to blow

The smart people did go

The rest stayed in the Superdome arena

An accident really uncanny

An accident really uncanny,
Befell an unfortunate granny.
She sat down in a chair
While her false teeth were there,
And bit herself right in the fanny!

While Titian was mixing rose madder,

While Titian was mixing rose madder,
his model was posed on a ladder.
Her position to Titian
suggested fruition.
So he mounted the ladder and had her.

There once was a man named McSweeny

There once was a man named McSweeny
Who spilled some gin on his weenie
Just to be Couth
He added some Vermouth
And slipped his chick a Martini!

Bigamy, they say, is a vice

Bigamy, they say, is a vice,
And more than one spouse is not nice,
But one is a bore,
I’d prefer three or four,
And the plural of spouse is spice?

There once was a Jew from Peru

There once was a Jew from Peru
who was vainly attempting to screw.
His wife screamed “oy vey,
if you keep up this way,
The Messiah will come before you.”

A Man Named Gore

In Hollywood, a man named Gore

Whom the environmentalists all adore

Said use crops for fuel

To make taxpayers fools

Because he’s actually a farm subsidy whore

Two Gay Men in the Snow

There lay two gay men in the snow

And those two men commenced to blow

As it got colder

The men got bolder

To get the cinders in their campfire to glow

The Girl From Arabia

There was a girl from Arabia

A devout Muslim, Mohammed was her savior

To save her from sin

The surgeon cut in

And removed every bit of her labia.