Keep it Dirty!
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Loading...Said a boy to a girl from Beirut,
“I’ve had none better looking than you.
But don’t be quick to boast
For your cunt’s dry as toast
And it smells like an old dirty shoe.”
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...One drowsy old Countess of Florage
Would keep her mouth open for snorage
The Count still had fun
And when he was done
She had swallowed a bit of his porridge
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There was a young lady of Bude
Who went for a swim in the nude
But a man came along
And unless I am wrong
YOU thought the last line would be RUDE.
.
(Last line to be recited in disapproving voice)
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There once were two men of Cawnpore
Who buggered and fucked the same whore
But the partition split
and the spunk and the shit
Fell out in great lumps on the floor.
…filthiest I know
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There was a young man from Lainus
Who emitted an odor quite heinous
As people passed by
Many started to cry
Turns out there’s a leak in his anus
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There once was a woman named Ann
Who was said to be quite like a man.
When nature did call,
She ran down the hall,
And went to the gentleman’s can.
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...“How could you”, said Joe to his mother,
“Cavort in your bed with another?”
“Oh promise me lad
That you won’t tell your dad
If I screw you as good as your brother.
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There once was a fellow named Mark
who spread a girls legs in the dark
He said “Now by thunder
it’s a natural wonder
I declare this a National Park.”
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...An architect fellow named Yoric
Could, when feeling euphoric,
Display for selection
Three kinds of erection
Corinthian, ionic, and doric.
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...I’m told of a Bishop of Birmingham,
Who buggered young boys while confirming them,
To roars of applause,
He tore down their drawers,
And pumped the Episcable sperm in ’em.
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...I know of a horny boy Matt
Who played with a vampire bat
With his dick in his hand
His voice did command
“Try sucking the blood out of that!”
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...there once was a genie
with a ten foot weenie
so he showed it to the lady next door,
she thought it was a snake
and cut it with a rake
and now its only five-foot-four
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...“If only you’d show me”, I said,
“Just a smidgeon of interest in bed.
Just a smile? Just a sigh?
Just a touch on my thigh?
Just a … shit; I forgot you were dead.
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...Once a young gay from Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room.
They argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom.
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There once was a man named McBass,
Who’s balls were made out of brass
He’d clang them together
In stormy weather
And lightning shot out of his ass.
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There was a young lady from Kew
Who said, as the bishop withdrew,
Oh, the Vicar is quicker
And thicker and slicker
And four inches longer than you.
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...The 80-year-old accused of rape was called Mort,
And the judge said, “Sir, you’ll have to be tried in court.”
But the jury was sympathetic,
Because Mort was sick, old, and pathetic,
And the evidence wouldn’t stand up in court.
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There once was a man named Eugeene,
Who built a masturbation machine,
The damned thing broke
On the 14th stroke,
And whipped his balls to a cream.
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There once was a girl named Hortence,
Whose breasts were very immense.
One day, while playing soccer,
Out popped her left knocker,
And she kicked it right over the fence.
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...A lovely young bride name of Kylie
Said, “Husband, I don’t rate you highly.
I have to confess
I prefer the caress
And the fucking of Father O’Reilly.”
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...My god! Do you call that a dress?
The material couldn’t be less!
What there is, is so thin
And transparent; it’s a sin,
And causing me trouser distress.
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There was a young lad from Bahrain
Who prayed to the heavens for rain;
For he’d squirted his goo
All over his shoe
And he couldn’t get rid of the stain.
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There once was a man named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave.
Oh what the hell,
I’ll get used to the smell.
And think of the money I’ll save.
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There once was a man named Piatt,
who’s sexual habits were a riot.
From horses to hens,
To mice and men,
If it had a hole, he would try it.
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There once was a man named Sprockett
Who walked with his hand in his pocket
He was able to hide
What he was doing inside
Till he shot off like a Fourth of July rocket.
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...“What’s this?” said James Bond to old Q.
“It’s a miniature camera for you.
Before screwing a miss
Just insert it like this
And we’ll sit here enjoying the view.
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There was a young man from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
Within an hour
His cock was in flower,
And his balls were all covered with weeds.
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There once was a man from Peru
Who slept in a really long canoe
While dreaming of venus,
he played with his penis
And woke up with a hand full of goo
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There once was a freshman named Lin,
Whose tool was as thin as a pin,
A virgin named Joan
From a bible belt home,
Said “This won’t be much of a sin.”
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...Her pussy lips flapped as she farted
A fart and a half. As they parted
Like wings of a dove
She rose ten feet above
And waved as she slowly departed.
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There was an old virgin named May
Who lived to her hundredth birthday
There came a horrible smell,
From up in her well
Seems her cherry had rotted away
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There once was a girl from Penlochrie
Who had sex with a man on a rockery
She said, “Oh, you’ve cum.
“All over my bum.
“This isn’t a fuck. It’s a mockery!”
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There once was a monk from Kerplunks
Whose body was that of a hunk’s
The nuns all went woozy
when he stepped into the jacuzzi
For the monk had forgotten his trunks.
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There was a young woman from Ealing
Who has a peculiar feeling,
She lay on her back
Opened her crack
And pissed all over the ceiling
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long, he could suck it.
He said with a grin,
as he was wiping his chin
If my head was a cunt, I could fuck it.
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There was a young fellow named Simon
Who tried to discover a hymen,
But he found every girl
Had relinquished her pearl
In exchange for a solitaire diamond!
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There once was a woman from Arden
Who was seen sucking a man in the garden
Her mother said, “Flo,
Where does it all go??
And she said, “Gulp, Beg your pardon?”
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There was an old man from Roupe
who had lost all control of his poop.
One night at supper
his wife said, “Now Tupper,
stop making that noise with your soup!”
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There once was a boy named Kevin
Who used a vacuum to stretch it to seven,
Then eight and then nine,
And though ten was divine,
There will be film at eleven.
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There was a young girl from Penzance
Who boarded a bus in a trance
A passenger fucked her
And so’d the conductor
The driver shot off in his pants.
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There once was a woman named Schott
Who ate only pig shit and snot
When she ran out of these,
She lived on the cheese
That grew in the folds of her twat
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...“I’ll tell you,” smiled prom chairman Mose,
“Why Peggy’s the prom queen I chose:
She’s as cheerfully free
As the wind on the sea –
And besides, like the wind, Peggy blows!
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There once was a hacker named Ken
Who inherited truckloads of Yen
So he built him some chicks
Of silicon chips
And hasn’t been heard from since then.
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There was a young whore from kaloo
Who filled her vagina with glue.
She said with a grin,
“If they pay to get in,
They can pay to get out again too!”
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...Said Siegfried to Roy at the zoo,
Be careful in all that you do,
Keep those lions at bay,
Or it will, I must say,
Be the first time a pussy ate you!
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There once was a man from Siberia
Whose morals were really inferior
He did to a nun,
What he shouldn’t have done
And now she’s a mother superior
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There was an old man of Duluth
Whose cock was shot off in his youth.
He fucked with his nose,
And his fingers and toes,
And he came through a hole in his tooth.
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...I once banged this girl named Marge
And her twat really was quite large
All alone around ten,
I slipped and fell in
But I climbed out with ten marines and my sarge
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There once was a plumber from Leigh,
Who was plumbing his maid by the sea,
Said she, “Please stop plumbing,
I think someone’s coming!”
Said he, “Yes I know love, it’s me.”
Favorite This! (No Ratings Yet)Loading...There once was a man from Iraq
Who had holes down the length of his cock
When he got an erection,
He could play a selection
From Johann Sebastion Bach
Favorite This! 