“I’ve some great news for you, Mrs. Smith.”
Her pregnancy showed to Doc Prith.
“It’s not a Mrs., you know.
I divorced long ago.”
“Then I’ve some bad news now, Miss Smith…”
Category: Original Content
There once was a man from Winsocket
There once was a man from Winsocket,
Who rode down the street on a rocket.
The force of the blast
blew his balls up his ass,
And his pecker was found in his pocket.
The last time I dined with the King
The last time I dined with the King
He did a most curious thing.
He sat on a stool,
Took out his tool,
And said, “If I play will you sing?”
There was a young man from Saint Paul
There was a young man from Saint Paul
Who went to a masquerade ball.
Just for a stunt
He went dressed as a cunt,
And was fucked by a dog in the hall.
Since a stage-struck massage girl named Hart
Since a stage-struck massage girl named Hart
Knows directors who sample her art,
She’s aware what controls
The assignment of roles
Is a good working grasp of the part.
There was once a man from Kent
There was once a man from Kent
Whose tool was so long that it bent
To save him the trouble
He put it in the double
And instead of coming he went.
I was cleaning the house in the nude
I was cleaning the house in the nude,
The neighbor gal said I was rude,
For not closing the drapes,
While I scoured and scraped,
It made her quite ill, so she sued.
There was a young sailor called Dave
There was a young sailor called Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
It took him some pluck
To have a cold fuck
But think of the money he saved!
There was a young lady from Ayr
There was a young lady from Ayr
Who remarked, “There is naught to compare
With the size and the force
And the thrust of a horse
As it fucks my sweet derri”
There once was a warrior from Parma
There once was a warrior from Parma
Who got into bed with a charmer
She, naturally nude,
Said, Don’t think me rude,
But I do wish you’d take off your armor.
In chapel the sight of young May
In chapel the sight of young May
Caused young Timothy trouser affray
And a sticky wet palm
At the end of the psalm
When the minister said “Come, Let us spray.”
There once was a man from Belgras
There once was a man from Belgras
Who had balls made out of glass
On hot sunny days
They focused the sun’s rays
And burned all the hair off his ass
When asked to do something salacious
When asked to do something salacious,
She answered, “Of course not! Good gracious!”
But the sight of his tool
So induced her to drool
That her view, in the end, proved fellatious.
This is the tale of woe of a small boy named Lou
This is the tale of woe of a small boy named Lou
Sitting in a crowded church with his family, who
Turned to his father, Bart,
And whispered, “Dad, I’ve got to fart !”
Said Bart, “If you do, you must sit in your own pew.”
A young woman from the Land Where the Sun Rises
A young woman from the Land Where the Sun Rises
Had boobs of unequal sizes.
The left one was small
And didn’t seem abnormal at all,
But the right one was so huge it won prizes.
There once was a queen from Bulgariar
There once was a queen from Bulgariar
whose bush grew hairier and hairier
a prince from Peru
came up for a screw
and had too hunt for her cunt with a terrier.
Once a young gay from Khartoum
Once a young gay from Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room.
They argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom.
There was a young lady of Arden
There was a young lady of Arden,
Who sucked off ol’ Bob in the garden.
He asked, “You old ho,
Where does all that stuff go?”
And she said, “(swallow hard)- Beg pardon?”
Said Piglet to Kanga the ‘roo
Said Piglet to Kanga the ‘roo,
“I’m achin’ to give you a screw.
“Not now, for I’m knobbin’
Young Christopher Robin’,
Said Kanga, “Try Winnie the Pooh.”
An accident really uncanny
An accident really uncanny,
Befell an unfortunate granny.
She sat down in a chair
While her false teeth were there,
And bit herself right in the fanny.
Young Caroline acts like a prude
Young Caroline acts like a prude
But has thoughts which are crude;
Behind innocent eyes
Belie dampness of thighs
And the fact she’s been recently screwed.
“So you want a vasectomy you fool?
“So you want a vasectomy you fool?
Just lift up your tool
And I’ll show you some tricks
With a couple of bricks
I was taught in a veterinary school.
There was a young lad from Bahrain
There was a young lad from Bahrain
Who prayed to the heavens for rain;
For he’d squirted his goo
All over his shoe
And he couldn’t get rid of the stain.
“Fallopian tube dead ahead!”
“Fallopian tube dead ahead!”
Cried the sperm as he upwardly sped.
Then the splosh and the sploosh
And the whoosh of a douche
Flushed him downwards and outwards instead.
This Playboy is mine I can tell
This Playboy is mine I can tell
‘Cause it has a peculiar smell.
Page twenty is rude
And appears to be glued
To another ten pages as well.
As clicketty-clack went the train
As clicketty-clack went the train
Over points it affected Miss Jane
In mysterious ways
For she left in a daze
With a highly embarrassing stain.
And now she’s addicted to trains
To relieve her frustrations and pains;
And the faster their speed
The more urgent her need
And the more satisfaction she gains.
She started to fondle and grope
She started to fondle and grope
“My god! It’s so huge! I can’t cope!
It’s ENORMOUS”, she cried.
And he laughed and replied,
That’s my leg you’ve got hold of, you dope.”
He’d oft shoot his load over Dot
He’d oft shoot his load over Dot
And from yards hit the relevant spot,
But at eighty, instead
Of a geyser, old Ted
Merely dribbles it into her twat.
There was a young farmer from Delhi
There was a young farmer from Delhi
Whose thing reduced lovers to Jelhi
He had them in bed,
in the barn and the shed,
but alone he just came on his Belhi
There once was a man with no class
There once was a man with no class
And his balls were made out of brass
When it came to bad weather,
His balls smashed together
And lightening bolts flew out his ass
From England there was an old bloke
From England there was an old bloke
Who picked up a girl for a poke
He pulled down her pants
Fucked her into a trance
And then shit in her shoe as a joke.
There once was a philosopher named Pam
There once was a philosopher named Pam
With a libedo the size of Japan
While screwing in bed,
It entered her head
I fuck therefore I am.
A newlywed bride, Mrs. Young
A newlywed bride, Mrs. Young
asked the doctor to fix her torn lung.
When asked how it ripped
she replied as she stripped,
“That man I married is hung.”
There once was a lady from Nizus,
There once was a lady from Nizus,
Who had breasts of two different sizes,
One was small,
and round like a ball
And the other was big and won prizes
There once was an employee named Ross
There once was an employee named Ross
Who was fired one day by his boss
Because he was found
With his pants on the ground
Dripping nasty stuff into the sauce
There was a young girl of the Azores
There was a young girl of the Azores
Whose cunt was covered in sores
The dogs in the street
Wouldn’t eat the green meat
That hung in festoons from her drawers
“I have found,” sighed a hooker named Hickel,
“I have found,” sighed a hooker named Hickel,
“That Chinese Johns are kinky and fickle.
They screw me, then beat,
And hungrily eat me –
And the worst is those chopsticks sure tickle!
There was an old fellow named Paul
There was an old fellow named Paul
Whose prick was exceedingly small
When in bed with a lay
He could screw her all day
Without touching the vaginal wall.
Said a dainty young whore named Miss Meggs
Said a dainty young whore named Miss Meggs,
“The men like to spread my two legs,
Then slip in between,
If you know what I mean,
And leave me the white of their eggs.”
Horror movies were right in her line
Horror movies were right in her line.
The monster men made her eyes shine.
Her romance was rubble
Her troubles were double
She was married to both Frank and Stein.
Young Pedro from Malaga, Spain,
Young Pedro from Malaga, Spain,
Kept his wife on a short length of chain.
She could get to the kitchen
And bed but kept bitchin’
As if she had cause to complain.
There once was a girl from Belize
There once was a girl from Belize
Who could put fruit in her cunt with ease
If you’re drinking some tea
When she has to pee
Just ask “Some lemon juice, please.”
There was young man from Crete
There was young man from Crete
Who could shoot across the street
A chemist named Kelly
Would bottle the jelly
And sell it as “Extract of Meat”.
My god! I look ancient today
My god! I look ancient today;
Overnight it would seem I’ve gone gray.
I’ve got aches, I’ve got pains,
I’ve got varicose veins
And my pecker has shriveled away.
A worried young man from Stamboul
A worried young man from Stamboul
Founds lots of red spots on his tool.
Said the doctor, a cynic,
“Get out of my clinic;
Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool!”
There once was a man from Fort Myers
There once was a man from Fort Myers
Who wrapped his balls up in wire
He flicked the switch
And oh what a bitch
His Balls began to catch fire
There once was a woman from Blight
There once was a woman from Blight
Her speed was much faster than light
I can now say
I fucked her today
And she came sometime last night
Old George had an odd-looking dangular
Old George had an odd-looking dangular.
Rectangular? No, but triangular;
Isosceles too.
Three-dimensional? True;
Therefore tetrahedronically angular.
Oh never in all of her life
Oh never in all of her life
Had Belinda such trouble and strife
As when Tommy got stuck
In her having a fuck;
So she cut off his dick with a knife.
There was a young lady in France
There was a young lady in France
Who hopped on a Bus in a Trance
Three passangers fucked her
Besides the conductor
And the Driver shot twice in his pants.