Category: Original Content

Slip sliding

There once was a guy named Bob

Who slipped and fell on a glob

He broke a dish and a ceramic fish

But what can you expect from a slob

There was an old lady from Woodle

There was an old lady from Woodle
Who had an affair with a noodle.
“It reminds me so much”
“Of my late husband’s touch”
“And it’s four times as big as his doodle”

Cats are the best

To those who have not had a cat
I tell you it is “all that”
They shit and they piss
They claw and they hiss
Then eat their own hair ‘till they yak

Sci-if space action! Now with slant rhyme!

There was a space pirate called Baldrick
Who had a first mate that was called Rick
They plundered from Mars
To far away stars
And caught every disease in the quadrant

Oh how styles have changed

They used to call me a geek
Thick glasses, mussed hair, and arms weak
My style’s the same
But now people say
“Damn, that boy is on fleek!”

Susan

I once knew a woman named Susan

Whom I found very amusin’

Her hands they would dance

To that place in her pants

Self control she soon would be losin’

You wouldn’t want to ruin it

A lovely young lass named Gordini
Went to the pool in her bikini
But once she got there
She stripped and swam bare
To keep it from smelling chlorine-y

Mountain biking

I rode bikes with a girl on some gravel

hen my pants came completely unraveled

She took one look at my cock

And said with a shock,

“My God, that’s eight inches of travel!”

NSFW

There was an old man from Glen green,

Who invented a wanking machine,

On the 99th stroke,

The bloody thing broke,

And mashed his balls to a cream.

Hope this is original!

There once was a man from Nantucket,

Who’s dick was so long he could suck it.

He got very rich.

Sucking dick on twitch.

But who wants to taste their own bit?

In a restroom I thought me alone

In a restroom I thought me alone
As I saddled my ass to the throne
Yet the next stall hid
The man I assaulted
With blasts from my backside trombone

A Whole Body Workout

A female gym coach from Connecticut
Would often breech proper gym etiquette
For she would discard
Her gym leotard
The moment she started to sweat a bit

Maybe she gets off with a warning?

My neighbor two doors to the right
Jogs nude down our street every night
I asked, “Don’t they jail you?
Cops must often nail you.”
To which she smirked, “No — and yes, quite.”

Traditional verse

A newlywed tenant named Dowd
Complained to his landlord aloud,
“While I’ve ploughed and dressed
Your fields without rest,
My bride rests, undressed and unploughed!”

Is it cold in here?

When Annie goes grocery store shoppin’
And wears just a thin summer top in
The stock boys all race to
The frozen-food case to
Observe Annie’s temperature droppin’

The burdens of piety

There once was a young man from Kent

Who gave up fornication for Lent

But a full month alone

With just him and his bone

Had left it irreparably bent

I’m just an average guy

I’m just an average guy
I’ll work and I’ll eat and I’ll die
I like to have fun
But mostly have none
So I sit at my desk and I cry

Here lies the body of William Jay

Here lies the body of William Jay,

Who died maintaining his right of way.

He was in the right, as he sped along,

But he’s just as dead as if he were wrong.

OP’s mom is such a low catch

OP’s mom is such a low catch
She lets anyone get in her snatch,
Don’t let it surprise you
With how many guys who
Ride her like transit for cash.

There once was a man from Nepal

There once was a man from Nepal
Who liked BJs best of all
His sis and his mother,
Gave him head like no other,
And coaxed from his dick a waterfall.

There once was a lass from Angola

There once was a lass from Angola
Who shared her boyfriend’s coca cola
Her anus bled
And now she’s dead
Because she caught a case of Ebola

There once was a vampire called Mabel,

There once was a vampire called Mabel,
With periods exceedingly stable,
Each night at full moon,
She’d sit down with a spoon,
And drink herself under the table.

Jack and Jill went up the hill

Jack and Jill went up the hill
so Jack could lick Jill’s candy,
Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock,
’cause Jill’s real name was Randy.

There once was a man named Dave,

There once was a man named Dave,
Who found a dead whore in a Cave,
Ugly as Shit and only one tit,
but think of the money he’d save.

There once was a girl names Maureen

There once was a girl names Maureen
Whose cunt wasn’t kept very clean
The semen leaked out
Of her disgusting spout
Which she scraped up and ate with saltines

There once was a man named Barack

There once was a man named Barack
Whose Re-Election cam as a shock
He raised the taxes I pay,
and then turned marriage gay
And now he’s coming after your Glock.

There was a young dentist Malone

There was a young dentist Malone
who had a charming girl patient alone.
But in his depravity
he filled the wrong cavity,
God, how his practice has grown!

A lady while dining at Crewe

A lady while dining at Crewe
Found an elephant’s whang in her stew.
Said the waiter, “Don’t shout,
And don’t wave it about,
Or the others will all want one too.”

Sir Reginald Von Hubble of Joice

Sir Reginald Von Hubble of Joice
Did shave his balls-’twas his choice.
He sneezed,oh how sad!
The results were quite bad!
He now has a high pitched voice!!!

The limerick form is complex

The limerick form is complex
Its contents run chiefly to sex
It burgeons with virgins
And masculine urgins
And swarms with erotic effex.

“For Christmas”, she said with a tingle

“For Christmas”, she said with a tingle
“I’d love a gift cunnilingual!”
‘Twas with joy and surprise
She found twixt her thighs
The tongue of jolly Kris Kringle!

A horny old trapper named Rex

A horny old trapper named Rex
Liked the risks of wild porcupine sex.
By incredible luck
His dick never got stuck,
But his nuts were just pitiful wrecks.

There once was a girl from Peru

There once was a girl from Peru
Who said she had nothing to do
She sat on some stairs
And counted cunt hairs
Four thousand, six hundred and two

Were you a more elegant chap

Were you a more elegant chap,
I’d ask to sit down on your lap
Cross-legg’d, like a swami
For ‘hide the salami’,
But it seems that you’re ill with the clap!

I know that you’ll think me quite dotty

I know that you’ll think me quite dotty,
But please, no caffeine in the latte!
One simple espresso –
I put on a dress, oh,
And really start acting quite naughty!

There once was a man from Montrass

There once was a man from Montrass,
Who had balls that were made of fine brass.
In stormy weather,
They both clanged together,
And sparks flew out of his ass!

strange science

A mathematician named Hall
Had a hexahedronical ball
The square of its weight
Times his pecker plus eight
Was two-thirds of three-fifths of fuck-all

the Duchess at tea

I sat by the Duchess at tea
And she asked: “Do you fart when you pee?”
I said with some wit:
“Do you belch when you shit?”
And I felt it was one-up for me.

There was a young Rabbi from peru

There was a young Rabbi from peru,
Who was vainly attempting to screw,
His wife said “Oi vey”,
If you keep up this way,
The Messiah will come before you do.

There once was a singer named Elton

There once was a singer named Elton
who had the girls hearts all a’meltin’.
But soon they discovered
he was a man lover;
twas dicks he’d rather be feltin’.

I see by the size of your member

I see by the size of your member
You’re as hot as a blazing coal ember!
So slicken that mast –
And hon, make it fast –
This girl’s not been poked since December!

There was a young girl of Angina

There was a young girl of Angina
Who stretched catgut across her vagina.
From the love-making frock
(With the proper sized cock)
Came Toccata and Fugue in D minor.

There once was a young man named Gene

There once was a young man named Gene
Who invented a screwing machine
Concave and convex
It served either sex
And it played with itself in between.

There was a Young Man from Kent

There was a Young Man from Kent
Whose Rod was so long it bent.
So to save himself trouble
He bent it in double,
And instead of coming, he went!

There once was a lady Annheiuser

There once was a lady Annheiuser
Who claimed that no man could surprise her
But Pabst took a chance
found a Schlitz in his pants
and now, she is sadder… Budweiser

There was a young girl from Hong Kong

There was a young girl from Hong Kong
Whose cervical cap was a gong.
She said with a yell,
As a shot rang her bell,
“I’ll give you a ding for a dong!”

A decent young fellow named Herm

A decent young fellow named Herm
Was equipped with a geyser-like worm:
The size wasn’t much
But its volume was such
That his lovers did backstroke in sperm.

An epileptic young woman named Camp

An epileptic young woman named Camp
Was seduced on her couch by a tramp
But the first time he squeezed her
She had a Grand seizure
And broke both his balls and a lamp.

There once was a lady from Reno

There once was a lady from Reno
Who lost all her cash playing keno.
So she laid on her back
Opened her crack
And now she owns the casino!