The limerick form is complex
Its contents run chiefly to sex
It burgeons with virgins
And masculine urgins
And swarms with erotic effex.
Category: Original Content
“For Christmas”, she said with a tingle
“For Christmas”, she said with a tingle
“I’d love a gift cunnilingual!”
‘Twas with joy and surprise
She found twixt her thighs
The tongue of jolly Kris Kringle!
A horny old trapper named Rex
A horny old trapper named Rex
Liked the risks of wild porcupine sex.
By incredible luck
His dick never got stuck,
But his nuts were just pitiful wrecks.
There once was a girl from Peru
There once was a girl from Peru
Who said she had nothing to do
She sat on some stairs
And counted cunt hairs
Four thousand, six hundred and two
Were you a more elegant chap
Were you a more elegant chap,
I’d ask to sit down on your lap
Cross-legg’d, like a swami
For ‘hide the salami’,
But it seems that you’re ill with the clap!
I know that you’ll think me quite dotty
I know that you’ll think me quite dotty,
But please, no caffeine in the latte!
One simple espresso –
I put on a dress, oh,
And really start acting quite naughty!
There once was a man from Montrass
There once was a man from Montrass,
Who had balls that were made of fine brass.
In stormy weather,
They both clanged together,
And sparks flew out of his ass!
strange science
A mathematician named Hall
Had a hexahedronical ball
The square of its weight
Times his pecker plus eight
Was two-thirds of three-fifths of fuck-all
the Duchess at tea
I sat by the Duchess at tea
And she asked: “Do you fart when you pee?”
I said with some wit:
“Do you belch when you shit?”
And I felt it was one-up for me.
There was a young Rabbi from peru
There was a young Rabbi from peru,
Who was vainly attempting to screw,
His wife said “Oi vey”,
If you keep up this way,
The Messiah will come before you do.
There once was a singer named Elton
There once was a singer named Elton
who had the girls hearts all a’meltin’.
But soon they discovered
he was a man lover;
twas dicks he’d rather be feltin’.
I see by the size of your member
I see by the size of your member
You’re as hot as a blazing coal ember!
So slicken that mast –
And hon, make it fast –
This girl’s not been poked since December!
There was a young girl of Angina
There was a young girl of Angina
Who stretched catgut across her vagina.
From the love-making frock
(With the proper sized cock)
Came Toccata and Fugue in D minor.
There once was a young man named Gene
There once was a young man named Gene
Who invented a screwing machine
Concave and convex
It served either sex
And it played with itself in between.
There was a Young Man from Kent
There was a Young Man from Kent
Whose Rod was so long it bent.
So to save himself trouble
He bent it in double,
And instead of coming, he went!
There once was this girl from Sri Lanka
There once was this girl from Sri Lanka,
A dusky-skinned maid named Bianca.
Each day she would sit
And play with her clit.
She was an incredible wanker!
There once was a lady Annheiuser
There once was a lady Annheiuser
Who claimed that no man could surprise her
But Pabst took a chance
found a Schlitz in his pants
and now, she is sadder… Budweiser
There was a young girl from Hong Kong
There was a young girl from Hong Kong
Whose cervical cap was a gong.
She said with a yell,
As a shot rang her bell,
“I’ll give you a ding for a dong!”
A decent young fellow named Herm
A decent young fellow named Herm
Was equipped with a geyser-like worm:
The size wasn’t much
But its volume was such
That his lovers did backstroke in sperm.
An epileptic young woman named Camp
An epileptic young woman named Camp
Was seduced on her couch by a tramp
But the first time he squeezed her
She had a Grand seizure
And broke both his balls and a lamp.
There once was a lady from Reno
There once was a lady from Reno
Who lost all her cash playing keno.
So she laid on her back
Opened her crack
And now she owns the casino!
There once was a Vulcan named Spock
There once was a Vulcan named Spock
Who tried stroking his monstrous cock
With lust went berserk
And beseeched Captain Kirk,
“Bend over, this shuttle must dock!”
There once was a man from Sydney
There once was a man from Sydney
Who could put it in up to her Kidney
But a man from Quebec
Put it up to her neck
Now he had a big one, didn’t he!
A kinky young girl from Coleshill
A kinky young girl from Coleshill,
Tried a dynamite stick for a thrill,
They found her vagina,
in North Carolina,
and bits of her tits in Brazil.
There once was a hermit named Dave
There once was a hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave.
She was missing a tit.
She smelled like shit.
But think of the money he saved!
There once was a man from Australia
There once was a man from Australia
Who had extra-large genitalia
He said to his bride,
Don’t try to hide
‘Cause wherever you go I can nail ya’
New York Dork
There once was a man from New York
Who asked, “Hun, would you please suck my dork?”
“I don’t like the taste”
He cried, “What a waste!
My wife says it tastes just like pork”
There was a young man from Peru
There was a young man from Peru
Who fell asleep in his canoe
While dreaming of Venus
He whipped out his penis
And woke up with a handfull of goo!
Seattle Cattle
There was a young man from Seattle
Who had a fetish for cattle
When he mounted a steer
After drinking some beer
He said, “I can’t find her pussy at all”.
Hickory dickory dock
Hickory dickory dock
A girl was sucking my cock
The clock struck two
I shot my goo
And dumped her on the spot
There was a man from Havana
There was a man from Havana,
Who thought he could play the piana.
His fingers slipped,
his zipper unzipped.
And out came a hairy banana!
There once was a girl from New Haven
There once was a girl from New Haven
Whose pubic hair was not shaven.
But missing because
She slept without drawers
Within range of a nest building raven.
“It’s my code,” says a mailman named Drew
“It’s my code,” says a mailman named Drew,
“To unzip, then deliver a screw.
If virgins, when nervous,
Resist postal service,
I explain that the male must get through.”
There was a young woman named Jeannie
There was a young woman named Jeannie
Who sobbed to her date, “You’re a meanie!
You claim you’re a stud
But, oh, what a dud!
Your prick is a real teeny-weeny.”
Breathed a tender young man from Australia
Breathed a tender young man from Australia
My darling, please let me unveilia,
And then, of, my own,
If you’ll kindly lie prone,
I’ll endeavor, my sweet, to impalia.
His dick lay in peaceful quiescence
His dick lay in peaceful quiescence,
He longed though for youthful tumescence.
An electric connection,
Sparked a brilliant erection,
That shines with an awesome florescence!
There once was a gay opera singer
There once was a gay opera singer,
Whose dick was a wondrous humdinger.
When he’d sing a song,
His dong sang along,
And his balls would clang like a bell ringer.
With a blowtorch he set out to melt
With a blowtorch he set out to melt,
His loved one’s iron chastity belt.
What dampened his yearning,
Was pubic hair burning,
And he lost the desire he felt.
There was a young man of Australia
There was a young man of Australia
Who painted his ass like a dahlia.
The drawing was fine,
The color divine,
The scent ah, that was a failure.
There once was a man from Tahiti
There once was a man from Tahiti
Who went for a swim with his sweetie,
But as he pursued her
A big barracuda
Made off with his masculinity!
There once was a girl of Siam
There once was a girl of Siam
Who said to her lover, young Kiam,
“If you take me, of course,
You must do it by force
But, thank God, you’re stronger than I am.”
There was a young fellow named Goody
There was a young fellow named Goody.
Who claimed that he wouldn’t, but would he?
If he found himself nude,
With a gal in the mood,
The question’s not would he, but could he?
On the internet they found romance
On the internet they found romance,
That put both in a hot sexual trance,
But each had a gripe,
About having to type,
With their hand stuck down into their pants.
In convertibles she was quite brash
In convertibles she was quite brash,
When she put her feet up on the dash.
A trucker drove by,
Her bare crotch caught his eye,
And four people were injured in the crash.
There was a young man from the Clyde
There was a young man from the Clyde
Who fell down a sewer and died
Next day his brother,
Fell down another
And now they’re interred side by side.
There once was a man from Berlin
There once was a man from Berlin
Whose pecker hung down to his shin.
When a lady named Gert
Started lifting her skirt,
His prick rose with a thump to his chin.
The nipples of Sarah Strong
The nipples of Sarah Strong,
When excited, are twelve inches long.
This embarrassed her lover
Who was pained to discover
She expected no less of his dong.
There once was a girl from Decatur
There once was a girl from Decatur
Who got laid by a big alligator.
Now, nobody knew
The result of that screw,
Because after he laid her, he ate her.
There once was a girl from Mitchen
There once was a girl from Mitchen
Who was scratching her twat in the kitchen.
Her mother said, “Rose,
you’ve got crabs I suppose.”
She said, “Yes and those fuckers are ‘itchin!”
An exotic young lady named Suki
An exotic young lady named Suki,
Once danced in a troupe of kabuki,
When asked for a fuck,
She said, “Solly, no luck
See here: looky looky, no nuki “