Category: Original Content

There was a young lady in France

There was a young lady in France
Who hopped on a Bus in a Trance
Three passangers fucked her
Besides the conductor
And the Driver shot twice in his pants.

A flatulent fellow called Bart

A flatulent fellow called Bart
Consumed beans for the sake of his art
And his silent but deadlies
Played beautiful medleys
That plucked at the strings of one’s heart.

There was a lady from University

There was a lady from University
Who was the sole of perversity
She was into candles
And all manner of scandals
And sexual positions in diversity

There was a young girl from Khartoum

There was a young girl from Khartoum
Who took a nancy boy up to her room.
She said, “Now, my dear,
Let’s get one thing quite clear:
“Who does what-and when-and to whom.”

She’s easily pleased is young Mandy

She’s easily pleased is young Mandy;
You just have to offer her candy,
Then down on all fours
She’ll say, “Take me! I’m yours!”
You should see what she does for a brandy!

That’s no way to behave

That’s no way to behave;
Why, your mother would turn in her grave
Yes, she might;
Though I turn her each night
Seeking fresh bits to screw and save.

Two lesbians north of the town

Two lesbians north of the town
Made sixty-nine love on the ground.
Their unbridled lust
Leaked out in the dust
And made so much mud that they drowned.

There once was a girl who couldn’t shit

There once was a girl who couldn’t shit,
Because she kept playing with hey clit.
The doctor said “Stop!”
So she pulled off her top,
And started to play with her tit!

“I’m sick of Tchaikovsky”, said May

“I’m sick of Tchaikovsky”, said May,
“And this Handel and Bach that we play.”
So she put down her fiddle
And diddled her middle;
“It’s time for Depussy I say.”

There was an old woman from leith

There was an old woman from leith
Who would circumcise men with her teeth
It wasn’t for fame,
or love of the game
but to get at the cheese underneath.

The bribe that young streetwalker Stover

The bribe that young streetwalker Stover
Employs as a sexual rover
Is-to hand-job police.
As she gives one release,
She will giggle, “My cop runneth over!”

There was a young man from ‘Arrow

There was a young man from Barrow
Whose tool was like a vegetable marrow.
He said to his tart,
“Take this for a start,
And me balls will be along in a barrow.”

Contravening the guidelines on health

Contravening the guidelines on health
Butcher Frank likes exposing himself,
But he hides it away
In the sausage display
When young ladies come up to the shelf.

Lemon of Bremen

There is a great Lemon
in Bremen
reknowned for its pungence and tart.
When Moses crammed it inside his rectum
it caused the Red Sea to part.

I think that my neighbor is ill

I think that my neighbor is ill;
He’s in love with his automobile.
Every morning he’ll wank
In the gasoline tank
For it gives him one helluva thrill.

There once was a hussy so brazen

There once was a hussy so brazen
On each breast a red bull-eye she’d blazon
A lusty outsider
With mercurochrome dyed her
And shriveled her up like a raisin.

Once a young woman named Alice

Once a young woman named Alice
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina,
And part of her anus in Dallas.

For money, and something to clamp on

For money, and something to clamp on
Young Suzi inserted a tampon.
She diddled her cunt
‘Til she came with grunt
And then sold it still fresh with her damp on.

There was a young man from Wales

There was a young man from Wales
Whose yachting technique never fails.
He dines on baked beans
And plenty of greens,
And his farts put the wind in the sails.

That piano man’s surely the leanest

That piano man’s surely the leanest
and shortest and smallest and meanest.
I aquired him, said Feeny,
As a gift from a Genie
When he thought I said thirteen-inch pianist

There once was a man named Ray

There once was a man named Ray
Who fashioned a cunt out of clay
But the heat of his prick
Turned the clay into brick
And tore all his foreskin away

There once was a freshman named Lin

There once was a freshman named Lin,
Whose tool was as thin as a pin,
A virgin named Joan
From a bible belt home,
Said “This won’t be much of a sin.”

Two guys at a condom convention

Two guys at a condom convention
Attracted a lot of attention.
“s dong is the bigger?
“They argued with vigour;
But still it’s a bone of contention.”

A virgin by name of Miss Prim

A virgin by name of Miss Prim
Is exceedingly ugly and grim;
But she still gets her joys
In the absence of boys
From the toys she employs in her quim.

Said Siegfried to Roy at the zoo

Said Siegfried to Roy at the zoo,
“Be careful in all that you do,
Keep those lions at bay,
Or it will, I must say,
Be the first time a pussy ate you!”

There once was a man from Fort Myers

There once was a man from Fort Myers
Who wrapped his balls up in wires
He flicked the switch
And oh what a bitch
His Balls began to catch fire

There was a man named Moulder

There was a man named Moulder
who tripped over a boulder
instead he tripped on a rock
and grasped his own cock
and threw himself over his shoulder.

There once was a local called Land

There once was a local called Land
Who had a quite limber right hand.
One night he screamed,
“That damn Vaseline,
Some bastard has mixed it with sand!”

There was a young man from Spartar

There was a young man from Spartar,
Who was an incredible farter.
At the strength of one bean,
He could play “God Save the Queen”,
And Beethoven’s “Moonlight Senata”.

The selection was tough, I admit.
He didn’t stutter one little bit.
He threw his arse aloft,
And he suddenly coughed.
And collapsed in a shower of shit!

There was a young lady at sea

There was a young lady at sea
Who said “Gosh, how it hurts me to pee.”
“I see,” said the mate,
“That accounts for the state
Of the Captain, the purser, and me.”

There once was a lady named Dot

There once was a lady named Dot
Who lived off of pigshit and snot.
When she ran out of these
She ate the green cheese
That she grew on the sides of her twat.

A businesslike harlot named Draper

A businesslike harlot named Draper
once tried an unusual caper.
What made it so nice
was you got it half-price
if you brought in her ad from the paper.

There once was a girl from Sidney

There once was a girl from Sidney
Who could take it right up to her kidney
But a guy from Quebec
Shoved it up to her neck
He had a long one, now didn’t he.

There was a young lady named Rose

There was a young lady named Rose
Who’d occasionally straddle a hose,
And parade about squirting
And spouting and spurting,
Pretending she pissed like her beaux

There once was a man from Bombay

There once was a man from Bombay
who made a cunt out of clay
He stuck in his dick,
the thing turned to brick
and he scraped his foreskin away.

There once was a girl from Nantucket

There once was a girl from Nantucket
Who crossed the sea in a bucket,
And when she got there
They asked for a fare
So she pulled up her dress and said “FUCK IT!”

There one was a man named Magruder

There one was a man named Magruder,
Who lived with a stripper and whooed her,
She said it was rude, to get whooed in the nude,
So Magruder got ruder, and screwed ‘er!

A horny young sailor named Clark

A horny young sailor named Clark
picked up a slut in a park.
She was ugly and crude
and a horror when nude,
but she was good for a spell in the dark.

There was a young lady from China

There was a young lady from China
Who mistook for her mouth, her vagina
Her clitoris huge
she covered with rouge
And lipsticked her labia minor

There once was a young barmaid from Wales

There once was a young barmaid from Wales
On her breasts were written the prices of ale
And on her behind
For the sake of the blind
The prices were tatooed in braille

There was a young lady at sea

There was a young lady at sea
Who said “Gosh, how it hurts me to pee.”
“I see,” said the mate,
“That accounts for the state
Of the Captain, the purser, and me.”

There once was a man from Winsocket

There once was a man from Winsocket,
Who rode down the street on a rocket.
The force of the blast
blew his balls up his ass,
And his pecker was found in his pocket.

My penis, dear girl, is so small

My penis, dear girl, is so small;
It’s the size of an atom, that’s all.
But an atom’s main mission
Is fusion and fission
And BANG!! I shall leave you in thrall.

There was a young man from Montrose

There was a young man from Montrose
Who had a wet dream I suppose.
The landlady said,
As she changed his bed,
“This didn’t come out of his nose.”

There once was a man from Bombay

There once was a man from Bombay
Who raped an ape in the hay.
The result was most horrid,
All asshole and no forehead
Eight balls and a purple toupee!

There once was a man from Belgras

There once was a man from Belgras
Who had balls made out of glass
On hot sunny days
They focused the sun’s rays
And burned all the hair off his ass

Helen Keller’s pussy grew tight

Helen Keller’s pussy grew tight,
Masturbating alone late at night,
She rubbed that hot gland,
With just her left hand,
And silently moaned with her right.

A spiritual healer named Lee

A spiritual healer named Lee
Ducked into the alley to pee
He pissed in the eye
Of this blind homeless guy
Who screamed “Holy shit! I can see!”

There once was a girl from Nantucket

There once was a girl from Nantucket
whose pussy was big as a bucket
I put my dick in
and said with a grin
I’m gonna need a fence post to fuck it