There once was a man from Peru
Who was desperately hanging out for a screw.
He picked up a mole
And rammed home his pole
Then said, “Jesus, that was Long overdue.”
Category: Original Content
There once was a hacker named Ken
There once was a hacker named Ken
Who inherited truckloads of Yen
So he built him some chicks
Of silicon chips
And hasn’t been heard from since then.
There once was a slut from peru
There once was a slut from peru
Who filled her vagina with glue
she said with a grin
“If you pay to get in
then you pay to get out again too!”
That wily old pervert St. Nick
That wily old pervert St. Nick
Made good use of the curve to his dick
He glazed the whole shaft
Painted stripes, then he laughed
As he offered young ladies a lick
There was a young sailor from Brighton
There was a young sailor from Brighton,
Who said “Shit! Your hole is a tight one!”
Said the girl, “Shut your face!
“You’re in the wrong place!
“There’s plenty of room in the right one!”
There was a young lady from Brewster
There was a young lady from Brewster
Who’s ass was so nice that I goosed her,
But her panties were thin
And my finger slipped in
And it still just don’t smell like it used ter.
There once was a harlot name Sumi
There once was a harlot name Sumi
Whose pussy was not very roomy
Because of this
She was a popular Miss
And never once drove clients loony!
There once was a man from Australia
There once was a man from Australia
Whose backside he painted like a dahlia
The colour it was fine
likewise the design
but the aroma, aah that was a failure
There once was a girl from Azores
There once was a girl from Azores,
Whose cunt was all covered in sores,
the men who got pussed,
were desperate for lust,
and licked up what was left in her drawers.
There Once Was A Girl From Shrilanka
There Once Was A Girl From Shrilanka
Whose Cunt Was As Big As A Tanker
You Could Go For A Swim
In The Depths Of Her Quim
And You Needed A Lamppost To Wank Her
A wanton young lady from Wimley
A wanton young lady from Wimley
Reproached for not acting quite primly
Said, “Heavens above!
I know sex isn’t love,
But it’s such an entrancing facsimile.”
A widow who fancied a man some
A widow who fancied a man some
Was diddled three times in a hansome.
When she clamored for more
Her young man became sore
And exclaimed “My name’s Simpson not Samson.”
There once was a girl from Mitchen
There once was a girl from Mitchen
Who was scratching her twat in the kitchen.
Her mother said, “Rose,
You got crabs I suppose.”
She said, “Yes and the fuckers are itchin’!”
There was on old man called Tucker
There was on old man called Tucker
Who was a randy old fucker.
He’d line up a chick
And pull out his dick,
Then tell the whole world that he’d fucked her!
Man From Trent
There once was a man fron Trent,
Whose dick was so long is was bent,
To save his wife some trouble,
He bent it in double,
And when he came he went
There once was a man from Rangoon
There once was a man from Rangoon
Who was born nine months too soon.
He didn’t have the luck
to be born by a fuck
He was scraped off the sheets with a spoon!
There once was a girl from Lahore
There once was a girl from Lahore
Who’d lie on a rug on the floor.
In a manner uncanny,
she’d wiggle her fanny
And drain your balls to the core.
There once was a lady from France
There once was a lady from France
Who took a long train ride by chance.
The engineer fucked her
before the conductor.
while the fireman came in his pants.
They wanted to put Bill in jail
They wanted to put Bill in jail
For using his house to chase tail
But the judge wasn’t fooled
Saw no crime so he ruled:
“Not guilty! He didn’t inhale.”
A right-wing spin doctor who’s spun
A right-wing spin doctor who’s spun
Lurid tales about Monica’s fun
Exclaimed when his eyes
Saw the fruit of his lies
“We’ve gotten O.J. off page one!”
A D.A who’d just passed the bar
A D.A who’d just passed the bar
Told Monica, “Come as you are.
There’s no need to dress
We don’t want to mess
With evidence you can show Starr.”
A lady while dining at Crewe
A lady while dining at Crewe
Found an elephant’s whang in her stew.
Said the waiter, “Don’t shout,
And don’t wave it about,
Or the others will all want one too.”
There once was a man named Adair
There once was a man named Adair
That was fucking his bitch on the stairs
But the banister broke,
So he doubled his stroke
And finished her off in midair
There was a young man from St. Rose
There was a young man from St. Rose
whose love life was so full of woes
he loved sixty-nine
he’d do it all the time
but always got shit on his nose
There once was a man from York
There once was a man from York
who picked his nose with a fork
when it got stuck
he said “i don’t give a fuck”
and walked around looking like a dork
There once was a man named Dave
There once was a man named Dave,
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
she had only one tit,
and smelled worse than shit,
but think of the money Dave saved.
There was an old girl from Kilkenny
There was an old girl from Kilkenny,
Whose usual charge was a penny.
But for half of that sum
You could roger her bum
A source of amusement for many.
There was a young man of kildare
There was a young man of kildare,
Who was having a girl in a chair,
At the sixtieth stroke
The bloody thing broke
And his rifle went off in the air.
There were three young maidens of twickenham,
There were three young maidens of twickenham,
Who wanted Tom, Harry, and Dick in ’em,
They prayed hard to Venus
Saying, “Surely, between us”,
We can lengthen, and strengthen, and thicken’em
Said Old father William I’m humble
Said Old father William I’m humble,
And getting too old for a tumble,
But produce me a blonde,
And i’m still not beyond,
An attempt at an interesting fumble
There was a young gigolo named Bruno
There was a young gigolo named Bruno
Who said, “Screwing one thing i do know.
While women are fine,
And sheep are divine,
Llamas are numero uno!”
There once was a man form Calcutta
There once was a man form Calcutta
who had a good fuck in a gutter
a copper walked by
got cum in his eye
and thought it was anchor best butter
There was an old pervert from Notts
There was an old pervert from Notts,
Who loved licking young ladies botts;
Whilst rimming one tart,
She passed a wet fart;
And covered his face in brown spots.
There was a fishmonger called Babs,
There was a fishmonger called Babs,
Who sold cod, skate, place and dabs;
But she had sex with me,
And caught my VD;
And now she’s a purveyor of crabs.
There once was an artist named Saint,
There once was an artist named Saint,
Who swallowed some samples of paint.
All shades of the spectrum
Flowed out of his rectum
With a colourful lack of restraint
There was a young Lady called tart
There was a young Lady called tart
Who felt she needed a fart
She stepped outside
And to her surprise
Blew over a horse and cart
There was a young woman from Ealing
There was a young woman from Ealing
Who had a peculiar feeling
She laid on her back
Opened her crack
And pissed all over the ceiling
There once was a girl from Aboritzwith
There once was a girl from Aboritzwith
Who used to take flour to the mill to bake crisps with,
But the miller’s son Jack,
laid her flat on her back,
and united the organs they pissed with.
There was a young tart from Southend
There was a young tart from Southend,
Who tried lesbian sex with her friend;
With a moan and a grunt,
She licked her mates cunt;
And loved the experience no end.
There once was a man named Dave
There once was a man named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave
You must admit
She smelled like shit
But imagine the money he saved
There once was a young man who
There once was a young man who
laid an extraordinary long poo.
He let out a scream!
Can this be a dream?
That’ll never flush down the loo
There once was a man from Beijing
There once was a man from Beijing
Who invented a jack off machine
He put his prick in it
Done a thousand beats a minute
And turned his poor balls to cream
A fellow who lived in New Guinea
A fellow who lived in New Guinea
Was known as a silly young ninny.
He utterly lacked
Good judgment and tacked,
For he told a plump girl she was skinny.
There was a young girl from Mauritius
There was a young girl from Mauritius,
Who said “that last shag was delicious!”
“But next time you cum”
“Can u cum up me bum”
“Cos that scab on your knob is suspicious!”
There was a young lady named Sharkey
There was a young lady named Sharkey
Who had an affair with a darkey.
The result of her sins
Was quadruplets, not twins,
One white, and one black, and two khaki.
There once was a queer from Rangoon
There once was a queer from Rangoon
who invited a lesbian up to his room
they did argue and fight
all thru the night
as to who would do what to whom
There was a young lady named Myrtle
There was a young lady named Myrtle
Who had an affair with a turtle,
She had crabs, so they say,
In a year and a day,
Which proves that the turtle was fertile.
A young man whose sight was myopic
A young man whose sight was myopic
Thought sex an incredible topic.
So poor were his eyes,
That despite its great size,
His penis appeared microscopic.
There once was a couple named kelly…
There once was a couple named Kelly
who took crazy glue for petroleum jelly
They started to fuck
But found they were stuck
And had to get around belly to belly
There once was a man from Nantucket
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who kept all his cash in a bucket,
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantookit.