Category: Original Content

There was a young lady from Kew

There was a young lady from Kew
Who said, as the bishop withdrew,
Oh, the Vicar is quicker
And thicker and slicker
And four inches longer than you.

The 80-year-old accused of rape was called Mort,

The 80-year-old accused of rape was called Mort,
And the judge said, “Sir, you’ll have to be tried in court.”
But the jury was sympathetic,
Because Mort was sick, old, and pathetic,
And the evidence wouldn’t stand up in court.

There once was a man named Eugeene

There once was a man named Eugeene,
Who built a masturbation machine,
The damned thing broke
On the 14th stroke,
And whipped his balls to a cream.

There once was a girl named Hortence

There once was a girl named Hortence,
Whose breasts were very immense.
One day, while playing soccer,
Out popped her left knocker,
And she kicked it right over the fence.

A lovely young bride name of Kylie

A lovely young bride name of Kylie
Said, “Husband, I don’t rate you highly.
I have to confess
I prefer the caress
And the fucking of Father O’Reilly.”

My god! Do you call that a dress?

My god! Do you call that a dress?
The material couldn’t be less!
What there is, is so thin
And transparent; it’s a sin,
And causing me trouser distress.

There was a young lad from Bahrain

There was a young lad from Bahrain
Who prayed to the heavens for rain;
For he’d squirted his goo
All over his shoe
And he couldn’t get rid of the stain.

There once was a man named Dave

There once was a man named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave.
Oh what the hell,
I’ll get used to the smell.
And think of the money I’ll save.

There once was a man named Piatt,

There once was a man named Piatt,
who’s sexual habits were a riot.
From horses to hens,
To mice and men,
If it had a hole, he would try it.

There once was a man named Sprockett

There once was a man named Sprockett
Who walked with his hand in his pocket
He was able to hide
What he was doing inside
Till he shot off like a Fourth of July rocket.

There was a young man from Leeds

There was a young man from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
Within an hour
His cock was in flower,
And his balls were all covered with weeds.

There once was a man from Peru

There once was a man from Peru
Who slept in a really long canoe
While dreaming of venus,
he played with his penis
And woke up with a hand full of goo

There once was a freshman named Lin

There once was a freshman named Lin,
Whose tool was as thin as a pin,
A virgin named Joan
From a bible belt home,
Said “This won’t be much of a sin.”

Her pussy lips flapped as she farted

Her pussy lips flapped as she farted
A fart and a half. As they parted
Like wings of a dove
She rose ten feet above
And waved as she slowly departed.

There was an old virgin named May

There was an old virgin named May
Who lived to her hundredth birthday
There came a horrible smell,
From up in her well
Seems her cherry had rotted away

There once was a girl from Penlochrie

There once was a girl from Penlochrie
Who had sex with a man on a rockery
She said, “Oh, you’ve cum.
“All over my bum.
“This isn’t a fuck. It’s a mockery!”

There once was a monk from Kerplunks

There once was a monk from Kerplunks
Whose body was that of a hunk’s
The nuns all went woozy
when he stepped into the jacuzzi
For the monk had forgotten his trunks.

There once was a man from Nantucket

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long, he could suck it.
He said with a grin,
as he was wiping his chin
If my head was a cunt, I could fuck it.

There was a young fellow named Simon

There was a young fellow named Simon
Who tried to discover a hymen,
But he found every girl
Had relinquished her pearl
In exchange for a solitaire diamond!

There once was a woman from Arden

There once was a woman from Arden
Who was seen sucking a man in the garden
Her mother said, “Flo,
Where does it all go??
And she said, “Gulp, Beg your pardon?”

There was an old man from Roupe

There was an old man from Roupe
who had lost all control of his poop.
One night at supper
his wife said, “Now Tupper,
stop making that noise with your soup!”

There once was a boy named Kevin

There once was a boy named Kevin
Who used a vacuum to stretch it to seven,
Then eight and then nine,
And though ten was divine,
There will be film at eleven.

There was a young girl from Penzance

There was a young girl from Penzance
Who boarded a bus in a trance
A passenger fucked her
And so’d the conductor
The driver shot off in his pants.

There once was a woman named Schott

There once was a woman named Schott
Who ate only pig shit and snot
When she ran out of these,
She lived on the cheese
That grew in the folds of her twat

There once was a hacker named Ken

There once was a hacker named Ken
Who inherited truckloads of Yen
So he built him some chicks
Of silicon chips
And hasn’t been heard from since then.

There was a young whore from kaloo

There was a young whore from kaloo
Who filled her vagina with glue.
She said with a grin,
“If they pay to get in,
They can pay to get out again too!”

Said Siegfried to Roy at the zoo

Said Siegfried to Roy at the zoo,
Be careful in all that you do,
Keep those lions at bay,
Or it will, I must say,
Be the first time a pussy ate you!

There once was a man from Siberia

There once was a man from Siberia
Whose morals were really inferior
He did to a nun,
What he shouldn’t have done
And now she’s a mother superior

There was an old man of Duluth

There was an old man of Duluth
Whose cock was shot off in his youth.
He fucked with his nose,
And his fingers and toes,
And he came through a hole in his tooth.

I once banged this girl named Marge

I once banged this girl named Marge
And her twat really was quite large
All alone around ten,
I slipped and fell in
But I climbed out with ten marines and my sarge

There once was a plumber from Leigh

There once was a plumber from Leigh,
Who was plumbing his maid by the sea,
Said she, “Please stop plumbing,
I think someone’s coming!”
Said he, “Yes I know love, it’s me.”

There once was a man from Iraq

There once was a man from Iraq
Who had holes down the length of his cock
When he got an erection,
He could play a selection
From Johann Sebastion Bach

There once was a vampress named Mable

There once was a vampress named Mable
Whose periods were very unstable
By the light of the moon,
She’d take out a spoon
And drink herself under the table

A hot little night nurse named Hearst

A hot little night nurse named Hearst
Got off with a bratwurst at first;
But her pleasure now lies
In a non-deli guise
As the interns take turns for the Wurst.

There once was a man from Greeling

There once was a man from Greeling
who pounded his pud with great feeling
and like a red rainbow trout
he’d stick his tongue out
and wait for the drops from the ceiling

There once was a man named Pierre

There once was a man named Pierre
He was fucking this bitch on the stair
But the banister broke,
In his thirty-third stroke
So he finished her off in mid-air

There once was an abbot of Brittany

There once was an abbot of Brittany
Who chanted this desolate litany:
“If Christ is the Source
Of Divine Intercourse,
Then how come I don’t ever gitany?”

“My harem now has what it lacked,”

“My harem now has what it lacked,”
The sultan expansively cracked.
“There are bunk beds for all
Where the dears wait my call,
Since the women I ball must be stacked!”

There once was a man from Nantucket,

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose dong was so long he could suck it.
He walked down the street,
Just a swinging his meat.
While he carried he’s balls in a bucket.

There was a young fellow from Florida

There was a young fellow from Florida,
Who liked a friend’s wife, so he borrowed her.
When they got into bed,
He cried, “God strike me dead,
This isn’t a cunt, it’s a corridor!”

In the garden of Eden lay Adam

In the garden of Eden lay Adam
Softly stroking the loins of his madam
On his face was great mirth
’cause he knew on this earth
There were only two balls and he had ’em.

It was tried by the dancer, Di Basle,

It was tried by the dancer, Di Basle,
Whose cunt was just made for a nozzle.
She said, “I admit
It’s an elegant fit,
But of course it won’t do for the arse hole.”

There was a young man from Rangoon

There was a young man from Rangoon,
Whose farts could be heard to the moon.
When you’d least expect ’em,
They’d burst from his rectum
With the force of a raging typhoon.

There was a young lassie named Wainright

There was a young lassie named Wainright
Who enjoyed the position that a dog might
over her shoulder she found
when she looked around
A whole new meaning for hindsight

There once was a man from Australia

There once was a man from Australia,
Who went on a wild bacchanalia.
He buggered a frog,
Two mice, and a dog,
And a bishop in fullest regalia.

There once was an altar boy from Crewe

There once was an altar boy from Crewe,
Who remarked as the vicar withdrew,
“The Bishop was quicker,
And thicker and slicker,
And two inches longer than you.”

There once was a girl from Nantucket

There once was a girl from Nantucket.
Her boyfriend was about to up-chuck it.
she said with a grin,
wipe that cum from your chin.
I told you it’s my job to suck it!